The Comparison Trap Part 4: Comparison Q & A

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Click here to read previous posts in this series: Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3

Do you ever feel alone in the struggle with comparison? That is simply not true. Everyone struggles with comparison to some degree and I hope this series has shed some light on that. For my last part in The Comparison Trap series, I wanted to gather a few bloggers and ask them questions about their experience with comparison. I hope you are encouraged by their answers. Don't forget to visit their blogs and show them some love for being vulnerable!

Here are the lovely ladies:

Ailie Baumann is passionate about Jesus thus her writings focus on inspiring people to a deeper relationship with God where they encounter more of Him and grow in their identity as His children. She lives in sunny South Africa with her husband and three young boys. Find her blogging at:

Ava James began Inspired By His Words following her test of faith. She lives in England, United Kingdom working in a medico-legal role.  She is passionate about music and writing for this generation and the struggles we face. In her free time, she rides horses and roller dances.She loves makeup artistry and coffee.

Déjà Riel is first and foremost a follower of Christ. She's a wife of 9 years to her very best friend and a mother to three beautiful children. If she had to sum herself up in one sentence she would say she's a California girl with the soul of a southern belle. She blogs at On The Corner of Riel & Parker. 

Comparison Q & A

1. Would you say that comparing yourself to others is a struggle in your life? 

Ailie: Yes comparison has been a struggle my whole life. I spent my adolescence often compared to my sister where I would be repeatedly told how she was the best at stuff and how beautiful she was. Plus, I only bloomed after high school so I felt invisible which only aggravated my susceptibility to comparing myself to others.

Ava: There was a time I struggled with this, but now I tend to try prayer first before I compare or remind myself of all the blessings I have instead of focusing on what I do not have.

Déjà: No I don't really do it that often I'm used to being different.

2. What things trigger you to compare yourself? 

Ailie: My insecurities and doubts trigger me to compare myself to others. I find that I often need to be validated by people and my internal validation which should come from God is still being developed. It’s a process of renewing my mind and leaning into God’s truth. I do struggle frequently still. I doubt my place, my worth and value, the impact I have on people’s lives. I don’t really see me (if that makes sense)

Ava: Seeing other girls in the place that I would like to be in.

Déjà:  When someone just has everything all together. It usually happens when I'm having a really bad day and just can't quite get anything right.

3. How do you feel once you have compared yourself to others? 

Ailie:  Usually when I compare myself to others I feel awful. My value, worth and self-esteem plummet like a rollercoaster dropping vertically down faster than lightening.

Ava: It can bring despair and discouragement.

Déjà: It makes me feel kind of low. It diminishes a little bit of my self-worth. 

4. Has comparing yourself affected your life in positive and/or negative ways?

Ailie: Most of the time comparing myself to other people has been a negative thing in my life. Don’t get me wrong, it does fuel my competitive side and motivates me to always give my best at everything I do. The negative side comes more in feeding my insecurities, being terribly hard on myself and not treating myself with kindness. I have to be reminded to be kind to myself or let myself off the hook. Comparing myself to others also fuels the perfectionist in me which adds stress to my life (because I never measure up to this ridiculously high standard).

Ava: In negative ways, which is one reason, why I have made a conscious decision to eliminate it from my life.

Déjà: Truthfully I used to compare myself more when I was a lot younger. Then after I compare I would try to do things as other people were doing them. But nothing ever seemed to really stick. As I got older I just started to embrace my uniqueness.

5. Do you take any steps to stop yourself from falling into comparison? 

Ailie: I try to renew my mind and often find that God reminds me of how he sees me. Sometimes my husband and friends will tell me to give myself a break or they will remind me that I am valuable. It’s very difficult at times. I also try to put on worship music to distract my mind in general from unhealthy thought patterns.

Ava: When the thought appears, I try to be complimentary, then pray positively for God to help me not think or act in a negative manner towards the person or situation.

Déjà:  I remind myself everyone has struggles you can't always see. For me I know comparing turns to jealousy and I don't want that in my life.

6. Are there any resources that have helped you think differently about comparison?

Ailie: This is a good question. I don’t know if I have a set resource per se. I have found that being married to a man who is incredibly authentic has grown me as a person to value authenticity and appreciate the diversity in people. This plus my own journey of healing that God has taken my heart on has helped me realize that God defines my worth and value not people or tasks that I do. Joyce Meyer’s Battlefield of the Mind for Kids is a great book that did help me a lot.
Ava: The Word of God and learning to be grateful by developing a thankful heart.

Déjà: Prayer has helped a lot. Remembering myself self-worth 

7. Do you recommend any passages of scripture that have helped you in trying to over this issue? 

Ailie: Yes, loads of Scriptures. I find that when I am comparing myself the best thing to do is to work on keeping my mind in line with God’s heart. The Bible tells us that we have the mind of Christ and one of my favourite verses is Philippians 4:8. It helps me guide my thinking. I also meditate on the Scriptures in the Bible about identity. (If you like you are welcome to sign up to my newsletter for the password to my resource library and download all the Scriptures I find helpful).

Ava: Galatians 6:4-5, 2 Corinthians 10:12, and 1 Corinthians 11:1

Déjà: 1 Samuel 16:7

8. Are there any other words of encouragement that you would offer other women who are struggling with comparison?

Ailie: Take it to God and ask him to reveal his Truth. Let God tell you how he sees you and let that truth sink into the very depths of your being. Allow God to be your all.

Ava: Try as hard as you can not to fall into this trap, because it will only make you go around in circles questioning yourself.  It is a tactic of the enemy to keep us discouraged and could lead to you questioning your self-worth, allow envy to enter your mind and heart.  If you choose to be content and thankful for where you are and what you have regardless of whether it isn't what you had hoped for - in that moment, you can develop a heart of gratitude for all the blessings in the present moment.  It takes time and practicing when you least feel like it.  Choose to keep your eyes on Christ instead.

Déjà: God made us all different individuals so we have to love ourselves for who he created and never forget that. 

I appreciate these three ladies from different places and their willingness to shed light on Comparison in their lives. 

Does knowing other people's stories help you feel less alone in your struggles with comparison? 

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